My attempts at remaining positive and hopeful, as opposed to cynical, are becoming increasingly more difficult. I am human. I grow weary, exhausted even, when my expressed aspirations fall on ears and eyes of the willfully deaf and blind. I tire of repeating those answers, the same answers each time to the same questions.
Yes, I desire growth. I desire professional development. I yearn to explore the limits of my own skills and knowledge, while providing quality services in exchange for adequate and fair compensation. I long to make a difference, to impact in positive fashion the lives of others. Do not we all yearn for this?
I find myself wondering these days why every† attempt at professional growth is hindered, blocked sometimes. I have difficulty accepting any idea that I am not intelligent enough; that I lack the potential to develop; that I have nothing to offer; that I should remain where I am and just be content. That is a hard pill to swallow. I already have my own inner conflicts, where I must deal with these concepts from my own perspective. I do not need those ideas from other people, especially those who should be encouraging growth.
†Sometimes the path chosen has worked out well, but the overall plot here is the journey to my dream career. I am not there yet, but each step is getting me closer. And I simply choose not to quit trying, in spite of the struggles to reach my goals.
And, yet, here I am once again–finding strength within myself, because MY strength does not exist anywhere else. I will continue my journey, and I wholly expect to reach my destination–with or without the assistance/support of those in positions of power and influence, and maybe in spite of them. I have done it already. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
And it always helps to write things down.